Four Years of Bliss

My darling husband,

 I can't believe we've been married four years already! I will never be able to fully believe that you chose me to be your wife. I am immeasurably blessed.

So much has happened in the past four years...we've changed jobs, become parents, changed churches, tackled trials together, have fought calamity individually, and God has been SO good through it all! He is still working in us and our lives even in the moments when we feel distant from Him. We are and will be a work in progress until we go home. So, it is my prayer that we rejoice at our struggles and praise Him for our blessings. On this road together, we must continue to trust him. You have been so strong and resilient through everything, ever so patient, and such an amazing daddy. I love the way Luke lights up when he sees you. It's so amazing!
Thank you for your continual grace and kindness, and for continuing to accept me... flaws and all! You're doing great dealing with this weird, dramatic and temperamental Mexican. ;)

So, here's to the next chapter of our lives, our continual adventure,
which is bound to still be filled with mistakes, arguments, and lots of ice cream. To more babies, more grace, more growth, more challenges, more scripture, more prayer, more fellowship, more sacrifice, more trust, more humility, more praise, more weird poems (from me), more dancing, more laughter, and more LOVE (if that's even possible).

I'm so happy you are my God ordained soul mate and companion on this lifelong adventure. I have a feeling the best is yet to come. I love you always and forever, Tyler Enns.

Con todo mi amor,

Grecia

A New Chapter

The days have become longer and sweeter. Our family has gone from two to three and our lives have increased in good measure! It is filled not only with sweet giggles and tiny little fingers and toes, but diaper blowouts and teary meltdowns. Our six month old is only getting more curious and mobile too!  Having a baby is definitely very life changing and has proven to have its difficulties from day one. However, I feel that I can confidently say I finally feel like I have somewhat of a routine going that suits our little family!

Besides having a baby (who was born after 18 hours of labor on December 27, 2014 and weighing 9lbs 2oz) Tyler and I decided that it was time for me to "retire" from the workplace to stay at home with our son. Many women would love an opportunity to be able to stay at home, and I am one of them. I was excited about this change in my "career" but I was also extremely nervous. Since the age of 16, I had held a job out in the world...with adult people and deadlines and bosses, unlimited coffee and verbal praise, financial compensation, and the best part: being able to go home after putting in my hours.

So you can see how easy the transition would be for me. I decided I could easily just use the same methods I used at work to run and organize my home and everything would be just dandy. Perfectly neat lists and calendars would help me reach my goals, plan meals, and help me keep a tidy home as Luke napped all day long, because, duh, babies sleep a lot.

Found this online. Yes. Just yes. 

Well as you may have guessed, it did not work out that way at all. What I expected was not what panned out because that is just the way life is when you go through a big transition and newborns don't sleep very long at all. While I had tried to prepare as much as I could, there was nothing to prepare me for the recovery of giving birth to a big baby, and the extreme fatigue that came with that. It seems that yes, somehow a woman manages to use every single muscle in her body during labor, even ones she never knew existed! Then there was the no sleeping for about a week straight all the while trying to establish nursing with your brand new baby who was waking about every three hours screaming for nourishment. Is it just me or does everything seem worse at 1am?

I would like to take a second and give a huge thank you to "Grammy" Gail Enns because she came over and was so helpful. She watched Luke so I could rest and she cleaned and brought meals. So did Grandma Enns and I just don't know what I would do without them! Anyway, after I was doing better and my adventure began (when I was finally home alone with Luke) I started realizing how overwhelmed I was and I would just sit and look at the mess around me. I had these huge expectations of myself and how I would be a great homemaker and I expected to just be able to jump in headfirst (I am an extremely organized person, ask any of my previous bosses). But no, instead I just stared at the mess around me and yes I would cry and Tyler would hear my apologies over and over when he got home and there was no dinner. Poor Tyler had to deal with all the hormones still raging in me.

I was taking naps while Luke slept and that meant I was getting the rest I needed but I would wake up and still see my 'lack of productivity' and get overwhelmed again. Little did I know I was being productive because I was caring for Luke's needs.  See how crazy I am? I should have been thrilled for the chance to sleep! But no, I was too anxious and still stuck in my "work and produce, and you will be happy and make your husband happy" mindset. This is the weird phase I would describe as my "blues" period because I was torn between learning everything about how to care for this adorable baby to wanting to wash the dishes and do laundry and for pete's sake take the trash out that stunk because that would give me a visual measurement of my productivity.

These past few months I realized that I do not for one second regret holding Luke while he slept instead of washing the dishes. Or staring into his curious little eyes instead of folding the laundry. Watching him during tummy time was amazing and letting him explore my hands and face with his tiny fingers: the best ever! He 'conversates' with me (blah, blah, ma-ma-ma) and smiles when he sees me. I can not explain what that does to my heart...it makes it swell with love and pride and gratitude! Those first few weeks at home are so amazing and important, and I learned a lesson again: you can't control anything so just enjoy the moments you are in. A baby will easily show you that!

I have a new boss and his name is Luke. He has my heart, and I will do anything for him. He can't pay me and he won't let me "go home" at the end of the day but that is okay because I know this is what I am meant to be doing. I was created to be Luke's mommy and Tyler's wife and I don't want to spend my days lamenting over my failures as a home maker. What I want to remember is relying on Christ for strength, and filling my home with love and grace. Now that things have settled down a bit and Luke and I have figured each other out, I have been able to set a few goals for myself that are tangible and realistic. It feels great!

To share a few personal goals: take showers (you laugh now but just wait until you have an infant), clean what I can, go to the gym, read, practice calligraphy, plan dinner. It has been going well and I am happy with where I am! A big thank you to Tyler who keeps me grounded and is so good with Luke! I will never forget how you took care of me post partum and how you naturally jumped into "daddy mode"...swoon. Grammy and grandpa, thank you for wanting to babysit and for loving Luke so much!

Some of you may be thinking: "seriously you're just a stay at home mom, how hard can it be?" I'd like for you to give it a try. Come on over. Life's about to get crazier because Luke is about to start crawling! I thought it would be easier too. Ha.  All I know is that God is good and babies are gifts. And the joy I've experienced can never be found at a forty hour workplace.  I am excited to continue forward and watch my little boy grow and I can only pray for strength for today.

By the way, Luke takes regular naps now and that's how I was able to write this. See? I'm getting better.