"Remnants of the Past"

I just want to start out by saying I am blessed. However, I  was not always able to see my blessings. As a child, the story and scene of my life was a complete different one. There was no father in my life, only a mother who tried her best with what she was given. Unlike now, many times I would wake up wondering if there would be food to eat or clean clothes to wear. 

A childhood can shape a person in so many ways, and I am convinced many times it isn't merciful. So much hurt, bitterness, anger, mistrust, and pride waits and brews, but often overlooked is the existence of forgiveness, mercy, and understanding. It took many years for me to understand my sinful nature, forgiveness and mercy and when I finally did, it was so liberating to my soul. I was finally able to stop expecting so much from people in my life who I thought owed me something: an explanation, an apology, reasons for why my life was the way it was.

And when I stopped believing I deserved those things I was also free to love them and serve them. It didn't stop the hurt from coming from time to time, but now I can cry freely and understand that it is okay to cry and bring my hurt before Jesus.I am comforted by the fact that God knew of all of my fears and pains during those hard times and sustained me through them, just like he sustains me today.  

Along with those memories which come and go often, I also have memories of sinful, selfish and bad choices I have made which caused me pain and suffering. Don't we all have something we wish we could go back and change? Guilt loves to come and remind me of those too. 

I am ashamed at how easy it is for me to forget all of the humbling experiences and take all I have now for granted. I know now that I don't need to sit and grieve what to me was a hard childhood, but I can sit, look back, and simply thank God for his provision during those hard times and be grateful for what he has given me to enjoy now.

Now I understand I was blessed in those hard days too. I was blessed to get food and clothes just in time. I was blessed to have a mother, sisters and brothers to play with and talk to. I was blessed to have a place to sleep at night. I was blessed to be able to go to school and have teachers rooting for me and helping me. I know many people do not get to experience that.  And I am blessed now although my trials and hardships look different.

My words to you my friends is that when the past threatens to hurt you and unleash bitterness still even now, remember the Father's grace. His grace has been present since the beginning. His grace was ultimately displayed at the Cross and the freedom He has given us in Christ. No matter what your past involved there was and is grace in it even if you cannot see it. I pray that God will reveal it to you and draw you to Himself, to free you and let you see how blessed you are.