What A Privilege!

I had a death grip on the door and the center console. I kept nervously glancing at my dear husband who kept saying "How far are we? My eyes are burning so bad." I kept calling out "Slow down, Tyler, wake up! You can do it! We are almost there!" Let me give you a picture of where we were: in the foothills. There were so many curves and it was a two-lane road. And it was 9:30p.m.

Our surroundings were hidden from sight by darkness, only leaving what our headlights exposed for our guidance. Cars were driving toward us with their brights on, blinding us for seconds at a time. I was really scared, and Tyler was not helping by telling me he could barely keep his eyes open. So, for the next 2.5 hours, I was a passenger driver, telling him to stay in his lane when he started drifting (which he did a few times) and asking him to slow down. I was so tense. My eyes were wide open watching the road like a hawk and my body was stiff as I held on tight. I was hoping to catch sight of the lights to the city somewhere but they were nowhere in sight.

I was in no position to drive because of my recent surgery. As I constantly glanced sideways at Tyler, I saw (or thought I saw) his eyes drifting closed and I would again say his name and urge him to stay awake. At last, after what seemed like hours we made it to Kettleman city. We stopped and I bought him some coffee then made him stretch and rest for a few minutes. I was so happy to be out of those foothills! I was convinced that from there on out there would be no danger of flying off of cliffs and the rest of the drive would go smoothly.

Well it didn't.

Tyler was still tired and so for the following two hours I continued trying to encourage him (without sounding scared). At long last we made it home and I was so stressed out physically that I just went to bed and pitied myself. Tyler however, woke up as soon as we pulled onto the driveway and told me he could not have done it without me (then he proceeded to eat something). This experience parallels with some of my privileges as his wife.

1.) I was chosen to be Tyler's helper for the rest of our lives. Whether I am afraid or not.

I can be such a scaredy-cat all the time, but the difference lies in whether I am paralyzed by my fear or am able to quench it. By God's grace I will be able to quench it when it threatens. At that moment, helping my husband meant helping him stay awake and forcing myself to remain as calm as possible.

2.) I get to be my husband's second eyes.

I get to see and point out things he does not see. So when he begins to lose focus, I will call him back to reality. I also get to care for his soul now, and I must warn him when he is in danger of spiritually drifting. This is the beginning of "watching over the ways of my household." (Proverbs 31). In order to do this, it is my responsibility to communicate with him to know how he is doing and to saturate myself in God's word to help with discernment.

3.) I get to pray for him.

He is behind the wheel. While this can bring him joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment, it can also be stressful, exhausting, and overwhelming. He, like I, needs His Savior day by day to help fight against self-pity, anger, pride, etc. I can be an agent of prayer for him daily. I can pray that Tyler relies on God and His Word alone for strength as he steers our marriage day by day.

4.) I get to encourage him.

When he (or his eye) hurts I need to be there to encourage and root him on, because for the rest of our lives we will be "almost there." Even when the headlights are blinding us and the wind is strong. I get to encourage him with the promises God has made to us in Christ. What is more encouraging than that?! In order to encourage him in those, I must know and believe these promises myself (by God's grace and through His word).

Many times throughout that drive, flashes of anger cursed through me. "He does not care about my safety. He does not care that I am scared. I am so upset with him, how dare he?" He does care about me, and he assured me later he would never want to endanger us. He was simply tired and was honest about it.

By God's grace, I can kill that selfish self-centered thinking and instead be helpful to him in a loving, selfless and respectful manner daily. What a privilege!

Breathing For The First Time

I didn’t know much about Christ growing up. I was 14 years old when I learned more about the man who died on the cross. Through various retreats I was convinced that I had “accepted Jesus into my heart” and that I was “truly saved.” But I was blinded by my sin and I had the idea that I was a good person who was even better because I believed in God. In my declaration of being a Christian, I was in sin. I was proud, self centered, boasting in myself and not in the cross. I was anything but repentant.

I was 19 when God opened my eyes to see my sinfulness in light of His holiness. I realized that if I died I would stand guilty before Him for breaking His law, and that nothing I possessed or did could save me from what I deserve which is: hell. Through that time of disgust and torment about my rebellion against God, He graciously revealed to me the beautiful and firm hope of this: the blood that was shed on Calvary in my place by His Son Jesus Christ. Today my hope is built on nothing less than exactly that: Jesus’ Blood and Righteousness. My father drew me to Himself through Christ the Son. He found me and lovingly showed me that I was made to glorify and honor Him, and by His grace I am daily learning how to do that. It began by His kindness leading me to repentance and to the cross where I died to my old self, and now live new in Christ. I praise God for His grace and for allowing my dead heart to beat in His Son. There is a song whose lyrics I think express what He has done and is doing through Christ:

I was dead and depraved, and I loved my sin,

I was lifeless in the grave of hopelessness

You in Your loving kindness healed my blindness and let me see

Now I can see and savor, enjoy forever Your majesty

I’m finally alive and have been made new.