"Remnants of the Past"

I just want to start out by saying I am blessed. However, I  was not always able to see my blessings. As a child, the story and scene of my life was a complete different one. There was no father in my life, only a mother who tried her best with what she was given. Unlike now, many times I would wake up wondering if there would be food to eat or clean clothes to wear. 

A childhood can shape a person in so many ways, and I am convinced many times it isn't merciful. So much hurt, bitterness, anger, mistrust, and pride waits and brews, but often overlooked is the existence of forgiveness, mercy, and understanding. It took many years for me to understand my sinful nature, forgiveness and mercy and when I finally did, it was so liberating to my soul. I was finally able to stop expecting so much from people in my life who I thought owed me something: an explanation, an apology, reasons for why my life was the way it was.

And when I stopped believing I deserved those things I was also free to love them and serve them. It didn't stop the hurt from coming from time to time, but now I can cry freely and understand that it is okay to cry and bring my hurt before Jesus.I am comforted by the fact that God knew of all of my fears and pains during those hard times and sustained me through them, just like he sustains me today.  

Along with those memories which come and go often, I also have memories of sinful, selfish and bad choices I have made which caused me pain and suffering. Don't we all have something we wish we could go back and change? Guilt loves to come and remind me of those too. 

I am ashamed at how easy it is for me to forget all of the humbling experiences and take all I have now for granted. I know now that I don't need to sit and grieve what to me was a hard childhood, but I can sit, look back, and simply thank God for his provision during those hard times and be grateful for what he has given me to enjoy now.

Now I understand I was blessed in those hard days too. I was blessed to get food and clothes just in time. I was blessed to have a mother, sisters and brothers to play with and talk to. I was blessed to have a place to sleep at night. I was blessed to be able to go to school and have teachers rooting for me and helping me. I know many people do not get to experience that.  And I am blessed now although my trials and hardships look different.

My words to you my friends is that when the past threatens to hurt you and unleash bitterness still even now, remember the Father's grace. His grace has been present since the beginning. His grace was ultimately displayed at the Cross and the freedom He has given us in Christ. No matter what your past involved there was and is grace in it even if you cannot see it. I pray that God will reveal it to you and draw you to Himself, to free you and let you see how blessed you are. 

Coincidence? I Think Not.

My co-worker Vanessa is so wonderful.(She smells like strawberries and looks like a princess! She is a great coworker, and I am grateful for her.) Vanessa  and I are Brain Trainers at LearningRx. We work with students and help to strengthen their cognitive skills (memory, logic & reasoning, visualization). On this particular day, I was unable to sit in a chair for more than a minute due to my surgery. That fact made it very difficult to do my job that morning. By the time my student arrived (4 hours later) I was unable to sit at all. Hence, I got down on my knees and worked with her that way. A couple of times throughout the day, I was tempted to despair and cry. I had quite the ugly attitude about it too.

In the middle of my training session I heard the back door open. I turned to see who it was and realized that I recognized the shirt, the blond hair, and—his voice. He said “God loves you,” to all of my coworkers as he made his way to the front door to leave. I quickly smiled and got up to greet him, “Slavik!” He was surprised to see me and I told him I worked there. He then left, as quickly as he came. I was glad that he came through my office. This divine appointment was perfect, as it should be because it came from a perfect God.

I went back to my student with His words still ringing in my ears. “God loves you!” That truth changed my attitude and transformed the session. That is why I can work with joy and fight the temptation to neglect my work in the midst of my temporary pain and condition. Because of Jesus and what He did! Thank you Slavik Stankevich for reminding me, and thank you God for using him. (I will say that we are now required to lock the back door in case a not so kind person decides to enter through there.)

"...but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God." (Romans 5:8-9 ESV)

"More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation." (Romans 5:11 ESV)

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 6:23 ESV)

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

(Romans 8:37-39 ESV)