A New Chapter

The days have become longer and sweeter. Our family has gone from two to three and our lives have increased in good measure! It is filled not only with sweet giggles and tiny little fingers and toes, but diaper blowouts and teary meltdowns. Our six month old is only getting more curious and mobile too!  Having a baby is definitely very life changing and has proven to have its difficulties from day one. However, I feel that I can confidently say I finally feel like I have somewhat of a routine going that suits our little family!

Besides having a baby (who was born after 18 hours of labor on December 27, 2014 and weighing 9lbs 2oz) Tyler and I decided that it was time for me to "retire" from the workplace to stay at home with our son. Many women would love an opportunity to be able to stay at home, and I am one of them. I was excited about this change in my "career" but I was also extremely nervous. Since the age of 16, I had held a job out in the world...with adult people and deadlines and bosses, unlimited coffee and verbal praise, financial compensation, and the best part: being able to go home after putting in my hours.

So you can see how easy the transition would be for me. I decided I could easily just use the same methods I used at work to run and organize my home and everything would be just dandy. Perfectly neat lists and calendars would help me reach my goals, plan meals, and help me keep a tidy home as Luke napped all day long, because, duh, babies sleep a lot.

Found this online. Yes. Just yes. 

Well as you may have guessed, it did not work out that way at all. What I expected was not what panned out because that is just the way life is when you go through a big transition and newborns don't sleep very long at all. While I had tried to prepare as much as I could, there was nothing to prepare me for the recovery of giving birth to a big baby, and the extreme fatigue that came with that. It seems that yes, somehow a woman manages to use every single muscle in her body during labor, even ones she never knew existed! Then there was the no sleeping for about a week straight all the while trying to establish nursing with your brand new baby who was waking about every three hours screaming for nourishment. Is it just me or does everything seem worse at 1am?

I would like to take a second and give a huge thank you to "Grammy" Gail Enns because she came over and was so helpful. She watched Luke so I could rest and she cleaned and brought meals. So did Grandma Enns and I just don't know what I would do without them! Anyway, after I was doing better and my adventure began (when I was finally home alone with Luke) I started realizing how overwhelmed I was and I would just sit and look at the mess around me. I had these huge expectations of myself and how I would be a great homemaker and I expected to just be able to jump in headfirst (I am an extremely organized person, ask any of my previous bosses). But no, instead I just stared at the mess around me and yes I would cry and Tyler would hear my apologies over and over when he got home and there was no dinner. Poor Tyler had to deal with all the hormones still raging in me.

I was taking naps while Luke slept and that meant I was getting the rest I needed but I would wake up and still see my 'lack of productivity' and get overwhelmed again. Little did I know I was being productive because I was caring for Luke's needs.  See how crazy I am? I should have been thrilled for the chance to sleep! But no, I was too anxious and still stuck in my "work and produce, and you will be happy and make your husband happy" mindset. This is the weird phase I would describe as my "blues" period because I was torn between learning everything about how to care for this adorable baby to wanting to wash the dishes and do laundry and for pete's sake take the trash out that stunk because that would give me a visual measurement of my productivity.

These past few months I realized that I do not for one second regret holding Luke while he slept instead of washing the dishes. Or staring into his curious little eyes instead of folding the laundry. Watching him during tummy time was amazing and letting him explore my hands and face with his tiny fingers: the best ever! He 'conversates' with me (blah, blah, ma-ma-ma) and smiles when he sees me. I can not explain what that does to my heart...it makes it swell with love and pride and gratitude! Those first few weeks at home are so amazing and important, and I learned a lesson again: you can't control anything so just enjoy the moments you are in. A baby will easily show you that!

I have a new boss and his name is Luke. He has my heart, and I will do anything for him. He can't pay me and he won't let me "go home" at the end of the day but that is okay because I know this is what I am meant to be doing. I was created to be Luke's mommy and Tyler's wife and I don't want to spend my days lamenting over my failures as a home maker. What I want to remember is relying on Christ for strength, and filling my home with love and grace. Now that things have settled down a bit and Luke and I have figured each other out, I have been able to set a few goals for myself that are tangible and realistic. It feels great!

To share a few personal goals: take showers (you laugh now but just wait until you have an infant), clean what I can, go to the gym, read, practice calligraphy, plan dinner. It has been going well and I am happy with where I am! A big thank you to Tyler who keeps me grounded and is so good with Luke! I will never forget how you took care of me post partum and how you naturally jumped into "daddy mode"...swoon. Grammy and grandpa, thank you for wanting to babysit and for loving Luke so much!

Some of you may be thinking: "seriously you're just a stay at home mom, how hard can it be?" I'd like for you to give it a try. Come on over. Life's about to get crazier because Luke is about to start crawling! I thought it would be easier too. Ha.  All I know is that God is good and babies are gifts. And the joy I've experienced can never be found at a forty hour workplace.  I am excited to continue forward and watch my little boy grow and I can only pray for strength for today.

By the way, Luke takes regular naps now and that's how I was able to write this. See? I'm getting better. 

Ever Thought Of...Work As Worship?

"Why do you go to work every day? Is it to make some money to pay the mortgage and have food on the table? Is it to have people look at you with respect? Is it just the thing you do because it is expected of you? OR is it to worship? Do you think a three-minute video could begin to change your perspective of your workplace? Why not give this video a look? Do you think you could talk only using questions for a whole day? Why not just watch the video? " Pastor Dave Parker

Wow. I love every part of this video! It came to me via an email from Riverpark Bible Church (my home church). It is my desire to worship God through my work as well. And not only while I am AT work, but afterward as well. I have a tendency to complain and declare how much I "dislike" my job. Naturally I have pushed away the notion that God has placed me where I am for a reason: to glorify Him and serve where I am. It is so difficult to see that in the midst of the challenges that arise. These challenges are but one more reason to come before Him in prayer and utter dependency. How amazing and humbling that is.

Coincidence? I Think Not.

My co-worker Vanessa is so wonderful.(She smells like strawberries and looks like a princess! She is a great coworker, and I am grateful for her.) Vanessa  and I are Brain Trainers at LearningRx. We work with students and help to strengthen their cognitive skills (memory, logic & reasoning, visualization). On this particular day, I was unable to sit in a chair for more than a minute due to my surgery. That fact made it very difficult to do my job that morning. By the time my student arrived (4 hours later) I was unable to sit at all. Hence, I got down on my knees and worked with her that way. A couple of times throughout the day, I was tempted to despair and cry. I had quite the ugly attitude about it too.

In the middle of my training session I heard the back door open. I turned to see who it was and realized that I recognized the shirt, the blond hair, and—his voice. He said “God loves you,” to all of my coworkers as he made his way to the front door to leave. I quickly smiled and got up to greet him, “Slavik!” He was surprised to see me and I told him I worked there. He then left, as quickly as he came. I was glad that he came through my office. This divine appointment was perfect, as it should be because it came from a perfect God.

I went back to my student with His words still ringing in my ears. “God loves you!” That truth changed my attitude and transformed the session. That is why I can work with joy and fight the temptation to neglect my work in the midst of my temporary pain and condition. Because of Jesus and what He did! Thank you Slavik Stankevich for reminding me, and thank you God for using him. (I will say that we are now required to lock the back door in case a not so kind person decides to enter through there.)

"...but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God." (Romans 5:8-9 ESV)

"More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation." (Romans 5:11 ESV)

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 6:23 ESV)

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

(Romans 8:37-39 ESV)