What A Privilege!

I had a death grip on the door and the center console. I kept nervously glancing at my dear husband who kept saying "How far are we? My eyes are burning so bad." I kept calling out "Slow down, Tyler, wake up! You can do it! We are almost there!" Let me give you a picture of where we were: in the foothills. There were so many curves and it was a two-lane road. And it was 9:30p.m.

Our surroundings were hidden from sight by darkness, only leaving what our headlights exposed for our guidance. Cars were driving toward us with their brights on, blinding us for seconds at a time. I was really scared, and Tyler was not helping by telling me he could barely keep his eyes open. So, for the next 2.5 hours, I was a passenger driver, telling him to stay in his lane when he started drifting (which he did a few times) and asking him to slow down. I was so tense. My eyes were wide open watching the road like a hawk and my body was stiff as I held on tight. I was hoping to catch sight of the lights to the city somewhere but they were nowhere in sight.

I was in no position to drive because of my recent surgery. As I constantly glanced sideways at Tyler, I saw (or thought I saw) his eyes drifting closed and I would again say his name and urge him to stay awake. At last, after what seemed like hours we made it to Kettleman city. We stopped and I bought him some coffee then made him stretch and rest for a few minutes. I was so happy to be out of those foothills! I was convinced that from there on out there would be no danger of flying off of cliffs and the rest of the drive would go smoothly.

Well it didn't.

Tyler was still tired and so for the following two hours I continued trying to encourage him (without sounding scared). At long last we made it home and I was so stressed out physically that I just went to bed and pitied myself. Tyler however, woke up as soon as we pulled onto the driveway and told me he could not have done it without me (then he proceeded to eat something). This experience parallels with some of my privileges as his wife.

1.) I was chosen to be Tyler's helper for the rest of our lives. Whether I am afraid or not.

I can be such a scaredy-cat all the time, but the difference lies in whether I am paralyzed by my fear or am able to quench it. By God's grace I will be able to quench it when it threatens. At that moment, helping my husband meant helping him stay awake and forcing myself to remain as calm as possible.

2.) I get to be my husband's second eyes.

I get to see and point out things he does not see. So when he begins to lose focus, I will call him back to reality. I also get to care for his soul now, and I must warn him when he is in danger of spiritually drifting. This is the beginning of "watching over the ways of my household." (Proverbs 31). In order to do this, it is my responsibility to communicate with him to know how he is doing and to saturate myself in God's word to help with discernment.

3.) I get to pray for him.

He is behind the wheel. While this can bring him joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment, it can also be stressful, exhausting, and overwhelming. He, like I, needs His Savior day by day to help fight against self-pity, anger, pride, etc. I can be an agent of prayer for him daily. I can pray that Tyler relies on God and His Word alone for strength as he steers our marriage day by day.

4.) I get to encourage him.

When he (or his eye) hurts I need to be there to encourage and root him on, because for the rest of our lives we will be "almost there." Even when the headlights are blinding us and the wind is strong. I get to encourage him with the promises God has made to us in Christ. What is more encouraging than that?! In order to encourage him in those, I must know and believe these promises myself (by God's grace and through His word).

Many times throughout that drive, flashes of anger cursed through me. "He does not care about my safety. He does not care that I am scared. I am so upset with him, how dare he?" He does care about me, and he assured me later he would never want to endanger us. He was simply tired and was honest about it.

By God's grace, I can kill that selfish self-centered thinking and instead be helpful to him in a loving, selfless and respectful manner daily. What a privilege!

Do Not Relent!

I went to a Christian University, but unfortunately it did little to encourage me to treasure my Savior above all else and live a life of continual repentance and gratitude. I did not learn about the seriousness of my sin before a Holy God. I did not cling to God's inerrant Word and did not believe it pertained to every area of life (but it does!)


Many of my young friends, along with me, did not really know what they believed. Yes, we had what parents had taught us but the liberty we had at our fingers was very tempting. I saw many of my values and beliefs go out the window in exchange for things that were tangible and seemingly harmless. I started becoming tolerant of things that Christ-followers should never be tolerant of. I started idolizing people and things in ways that were very self-glorifying and self-centered. It was normal for me to proudly claim to be a Christian but never share the good news of the Gospel with someone because it was inconvenient for me or I thought that whatever worked for them was fine. As a professing young Christian, this is a very dangerous place to be at in my life because of the danger of falling deeper into sin by accepting what the world deems as good. I started to believe the lies the world fed to me. That is why I agree with Karen's statement below, which she shared in a blog post titled "A Disturbing Conversation." In it she wrote about an encounter with her niece. You can read it here. Please, parents, do not relent!


I think the enormous challenge before us today is to teach the truth of the Word to our young people—so they believe it, are willing to live it, and are prepared to defend it. It begins in our homes as we help our children develop a heart for the Lord and His truth. And it must be reinforced in our churches with a focus on implanting the Word into the lives of young people, rather than entertaining them and pandering to their felt needs. Many of them will go away to secular college campuses and be swallowed up by the tide of humanistic philosophy and reason. When that happens, we must continue to engage them by lovingly challenging their belief systems and drawing them back to Christ.

How are you ensuring that your children understand the truths of the faith? How is your church making sure its young people have a strong foundation that will prepare them for life? 
 ~Karen Waddles 



"Train up a child in the way that he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Prov. 22:6)

O, Help My Unbelief!

  I know my flesh is at war with my spirit. It is a real battle. But I must continue to fight sin. Anyone who belongs to Christ must fight. I had a moment the other day in which I vividly experienced the reality of this war. I was distressed; I had anxiety about post-surgery pain and fear something would go wrong in the healing process. Mark Driscoll was right when he said: Fear in the mind leads to anxiety in the body.  I was wrong to despair, however, and I was wrong to not run to God's word. 

I will rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love,

because you have seen my affliction;

you have known the distress of my soul,

and you have not delivered me into the hand of the enemy;

you have set my feet in a broad place.

Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am in distress;

my eye is wasted from grief;

my soul and my body also.

For my life is spent with sorrow,

and my years with sighing;

my strength fails because of my iniquity,

and my bones waste away.

(Psalm 31:7-10 ESV)

What was happening in my mind... 

What I should have done. :) Make sure you do when in distress.

Spot the first risings of your besetting sin and kill it, till it is no more. ~John Piper

‎"Though our feelings come and go, His love for us does not. It is not wearied by our sins, or our indifference; and, therefore, it is quite relentless in its determination that we shall be cured of those sins, at whatever cost to us, at whatever cost to Him." - CS Lewis


Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints,
(Ephesians 6:10-18 ESV)

Breathing For The First Time

I didn’t know much about Christ growing up. I was 14 years old when I learned more about the man who died on the cross. Through various retreats I was convinced that I had “accepted Jesus into my heart” and that I was “truly saved.” But I was blinded by my sin and I had the idea that I was a good person who was even better because I believed in God. In my declaration of being a Christian, I was in sin. I was proud, self centered, boasting in myself and not in the cross. I was anything but repentant.

I was 19 when God opened my eyes to see my sinfulness in light of His holiness. I realized that if I died I would stand guilty before Him for breaking His law, and that nothing I possessed or did could save me from what I deserve which is: hell. Through that time of disgust and torment about my rebellion against God, He graciously revealed to me the beautiful and firm hope of this: the blood that was shed on Calvary in my place by His Son Jesus Christ. Today my hope is built on nothing less than exactly that: Jesus’ Blood and Righteousness. My father drew me to Himself through Christ the Son. He found me and lovingly showed me that I was made to glorify and honor Him, and by His grace I am daily learning how to do that. It began by His kindness leading me to repentance and to the cross where I died to my old self, and now live new in Christ. I praise God for His grace and for allowing my dead heart to beat in His Son. There is a song whose lyrics I think express what He has done and is doing through Christ:

I was dead and depraved, and I loved my sin,

I was lifeless in the grave of hopelessness

You in Your loving kindness healed my blindness and let me see

Now I can see and savor, enjoy forever Your majesty

I’m finally alive and have been made new.

The Song Behind The Name

The name of my blog was inspired by the following song:

The first time I heard it, I could not get it out of my head. Its words spoke to my heart for days on end. It brought tears to my eyes still after hearing it for the 15th time. It is so beautiful! Take a listen.

What wondrous love is this, O my soul, O my soul!

What wondrous love is this, O my soul!

What wondrous love is this

That caused the Lord of bliss

To bear the dreadful curse for my soul, for my soul,

To bear the dreadful curse for my soul!

When I was sinking down, sinking down, sinking down,

When I was sinking down, sinking down,

When I was sinking down

Beneath God’s righteous frown,

Christ laid aside His crown for my soul for my soul,

Christ laid aside His crown for my soul.

To God and to the Lamb I will sing, I will sing;

To God and to the Lamb I will sing;

To God and to the Lamb,

Who is the great I AM,

While millions join the theme, I will sing, I will sing,

While millions join the theme, I will sing.

And when from death I’m free, I’ll sing on, I’ll sing on;

And when from death I’m free, I’ll sing on.

And when from death I’m free

I’ll sing His love for me,

And through eternity I’ll sing on, I’ll sing on,

And through eternity I’ll sing on.

Old English

Well, I am officially sick of laying here. I have seen this movie one too many times in the last 2 days. I am pretty sure I know it word for word....

I recently had a Pilonidal Cystectomy done, so I can either only lay on my tummy or stand up. I really hope I have great posture after all of this laying down. I am still so surprised by how anesthesia works. My first experience started out well: one moment I am on the operating table  talking to the nurses about how they remind me of Grey's Anatomy, the next I am waking up and getting ready to go. But then came the nausea  for the following 24 hours. I did not like or appreciate that part. What I am loving, however, is the thoughtfulness of my husband, my mother-in-law Gail [who is very kind and helpful], and our friends. Some have brought me baked goodies, others have sent me cards, others have brought me meals, and word on the street is that I am being sent more movies [thank goodness!]. I am blessed and reminded of our good God through these kind gestures.

Tyler has been so helpful, loving, and caring. I am so grateful for him. He has slept on the recliner next to me for the past two nights, and has been catering to me. He woke up with me in the middle of the night even though he had work early the next day. He has read to me as I lay there zoned out and lethargic. He has even watched Pride & Prejudice and Sense & Sensibility with me. I <3 him.

I am on vicodin, so reading has been hard to do. I hope to do more of it as I slowly stop taking vicodin. The books I am working through right now are: 

                                     

They are great books, and both have a website! Just click on the book and it will take you there. 

Well, my arm is tired so I will stop here [I am currently laying on my stomach and typing with one hand]. Hope you enjoyed and have a great day!

The Start of Something New

The year 2011 was full of so many blessings. Like my bestie Yasmin put it, God is so good to have allowed us to experience so much great stuff in that year. I got engaged in January 2011 and got married in August 2011, not to mention I also graduated from Fresno Pacific University in between, in May 2011. As you can imagine, things got very very busy. I am not the most organized person, and sometimes I just play things by ear. Thanks to God, they always turned out just as they should.  Anyhow, I am now married, and what a big adjustment that was! There is still a lot of adjustment going on but it is so edifying and humbling. The past 4 months have been filled with so much, I don't even know where to begin. I am grateful for the husband I have been given, for my home, and for my job.

I am also grateful for this waffle mix recipe I found online. Tyler loves it, and I think it's way better than the stuff in the box you just add water to.I don't really like pancakes, but I will eat waffles! Something about their shape intrigues me...

Makes 4-6 Servings

1 3/4 Cups Flour
2 Tbs. Sugar
1 Tbs. Baking Powder
2 Eggs
1 3/4 Cups Milk
1/2 Cup Oil or melted butter
1 Tsp. Vanilla

Combine dry ingredients in a bowl.
In a separate bowl, beat the wet ingredients together then add it to the dry and stir until it is smooth.
(I personally prefer to use butter rather than oil, I think it tastes better.)

I hope you enjoy!